"Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?"
Jonathon Rauch
It seems like the world has little room for introversion, with its manic preoccupation with effective communication and marketing. In order to get a job or score with the in-group is increasingly a competition of who can talk the loudest and longest. Not surprisingly these are the ones who make it to the "top" position and seek out others who can be described as the epitome of a "team-player" and be or a "people-person". In other words, they want people just like themselves, where they don't need to look beyong the surface, the blustering, walking billboard person. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator declares them "extroverts"and these folks are mighty proud that they have fallen into this category synonymous with "confidence" and "self-esteem" and "public relations". They make up 60-75% of the population while introverts make up the remainder.
Introverts, on the other hand, are often sidelined, and efforts are made to "mainstream" them, ie. turn them into raving extroverts. They're accused of being shy and unasssuming, selfish, socially awkward and sly. I've had all of those descriptions thrown at me, and more. However, I make no apologies for being the way that I am, and strongly believe that it sheilds me from superficial acquaintances. Veeeeeeeeeeeeery few people know me, and I can count my "friends" on one hand. Okay.. maybe I have one finger free since I elevated my husband to another status.
Sure, I can put on a public bravado with the best of them, and if I miss a day of work, I'm truly missed. The "life of the party", as it were.. they miss my happy, cheerful banter. People look aghast at me and say "Shy?!?!?! NO, not YOU!!!", but little do they know that that's just my front. That just goes to show how the so-called demographics of introverts:extroverts can be just wrong!! I firmly believe that a bunch of professed extroverts are really introverts with their warpaint on, doing what they have to do to survive!
I found quite an interesting article a while ago that I'll post here (so if my computer crashes I can still access it ):-D.
Caring for Your Introvert
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Adopt an Introvert
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2 comments:
For me, a perfect night would consist of myself, some beer and a PS2 with a game involving hitmen or zombies. As it is I have too many friends (read: people I have met in the drunk tank) to be a succesful introvert. My problem is that I am chatty...and that leads people to believe I like talking all the time.
A lot of actors, high profile dudes who make so much money that they can buy entire islands or can afford to have someone build a replica of Disneyland out of uncooked pasta, will say with deadpan sincerity that they are shy, introverts in "real life". That they got into acting to overcome their fears. And why should we doubt them?
Hey Fatman
Thanks for leaving a comment. Nobody does! As for me, I can tolerate people, but I not for too long. I always need to refresh.
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